Why it's important to adjust expectations as your season of life changes
Back before my boys were born, I was still a new teacher and honestly, most days I felt like a complete imposter.
This is the fifth post in a series about how to make teaching feel a more SUSTAINABLE career.
The curriculum was new to me.
The grade level was new.
Classroom management was new.
The pacing, marking, and planning.
Balancing real bills, like student loan payments, and other “adulting” responsibilities. It was all new.
I remember spending so much time in the beginning, not creating the perfect lessons, but getting myself to a place where I felt competent with the material. In the beginning, I had to teach myself the material first and then figure out how to teach it to the students.
I cringe at those first years, but at the same time, I know I was doing the best I could with the skills I had. It was just the season of life I was in - new teacher, first contract, newly married.
I was in my “Young, New Teacher Era”.
I was in a season of life where I was only responsible for myself. I got married pretty young (we were 22 - Jesus what were we thinking 🤪) and it was just my husband, Jeff, and I for the first couple of years. It was a season of figuring out real-world stuff, like how in the name of God I’d ever pay back this $34 000 student loan.
Money (or lack thereof) was a big challenge with my 37% teaching contract. But time wasn’t a huge issue back then. My evenings were pretty much my own and I had lots of time to do whatever - usually school-related stuff.
I’ve learned, as a perfectionist, that one of my mindset issues is around feeling competent.
When I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing or I could be “found out” as not being an expert in something, I overcompensate. Through learning, researching, and putting immense energy and amounts of time into making sure I do know what I’m doing, so I don’t feel like a fraud or put myself in a position where I could be called out - by a parent or admin - for not performing at the level I expect of myself.
It took a long time to realize that this is a mindset issue for me. If you’re a perfectionist, you may consider if this is true for you, too.
So many hours of prepping and planning and learning. Just to feel okay. To feel competent and to feel safe.
The part I was neglecting to realize - and it still gets me even now - is that I WAS NEW. I WAS inexperienced because I hadn’t put in enough time doing the thing yet - in this case, teaching.
Looking back, I can see I was in a season that allowed me the time to dig in and focus on getting comfortable with the material, without feeling guilty about mom stuff - because I wasn’t yet a mom. If I’d had little kids at home at the time, it would have been a different story.
Fast-forward to now, I have many years of experience. I have kids. I’ve done my Masters.
I’ve gone through many seasons in my life, and so I know part of making teaching feel SUSTAINABLE is to recognize the season of life you’re in and adjust your expectations to match that season.
I’m way past the season of being woken by a crying baby and being so grateful for three hours of interrupted sleep.
I’m no longer stepping on Legos and tripping over Ninja turtles.
I don’t worry about student loan payments. But I do wonder what my kids will want to do after they graduate.
Every season has different stresses and worries and drains on your time and energy. But, on the flip side, each season has amazing benefits and positive aspects, too.
It may also help to think of these seasons, in “Taylor” terms, as “eras”.
The season or “era” you’re in is for now, not forever.
Maybe you’re in your “Parent of Little Kids Era” where they need you all the time and you feel guilty when you want a break from them.
Your “Parent of Teens Era” where there are daily arguments about phones and staying out and grades and chores because your kids are pushing the limits and you’re scared because you just want them to be safe.
Maybe you’re in a “New-to-Me Era” at work. You’re not a new teacher but you’ve been given a new assignment and so you feel like a new teacher again because everything is unfamiliar.
When you look at your life like it’s a series of seasons - sometimes overlapping - but lasting just for a bit until they transform into a new one, with new challenges and new things to be excited about, it’s easier to step back for a moment to appreciate what’s really going on.
Because you’re not a hot-mess-express.
You’re just in your “New Baby Era” or your “New ADHD diagnosis Era”.
What used to be familiar and normal has changed and the quicker you can recognize that you have to adjust your expectations, with self-compassion for where you are now, the easier the transition will be.
Let’s go deeper with a journal exercise.
If you’d rather, you can doodle or draw your responses (I like to do both).
Think about your life up to this point in terms of seasons, or “eras”.
Reflect on the different seasons you’ve gone through, what was amazing about that time, and what was so hard you didn’t know how you’d get through.
Name your eras as you go. It’ll help you to see how you’ve grown and changed over the years, and how much you’ve learned getting to where you are.
If a bunch of things were happening at once and there seemed to be a lot of overlap - maybe it’s just your “Everything at Once Era”.
Don’t overthink or overcomplicate this - there’s no perfect way to do this.
3. As you approach defining your current era, how can you step back and see it as just another piece in the larger puzzle of your life?
4. What season of life are you in right now and what are the best parts of this current era? How long do you expect this era will last?
5. What can you not wait to say goodbye to when this time of your life is behind you?
The point of taking this reflection time is to gain perspective about where you are in your life right now and the struggles you’re facing. They haven’t always been there and they won’t be there forever in the way they are now.
Remember that when you’re in the thick of it, especially when you catch yourself comparing to others.
When you compare your life to someone else’s - you might as well compare apples to oranges. They’re two different things.
Even if you think they’re in a similar “era” to you - there are so many other factors at play - health, work, how their relationship is going, and about a thousand other things you know nothing about.
Rather than comparing your life to theirs and feeling inadequate or jealous, focus on your own era.
To have more balance between work and home and make teaching feel like a more sustainable career, you need to have self-compassion for the hard parts of the current season of life you’re in and then adjust your expectations to line up with what’s realistic for this current “era”.
So, when you start to feel overwhelmed remind yourself:
“It’s okay. I’m just in my ___ Era. It hasn’t always been like this and it won’t always be like this. Something I’ll miss from this era is ___.”
Maintaining perspective is important, but so is imagining how you want things in your current life to be - things you DO have control over that you CAN change.
That’s the topic of the next post: Imagining what you want your life to look like.
Stay tuned, and until then, jump into the comments and share:
What “era” or “eras” are you in right now and what’s the best/most challenging part?
