An easy step toward more balance between home and school you can take now
Buried under a stack of unmarked math tests, ALPs to figure out, with a pile of snotty Kleenex beside me (because sometimes I cry when I get frustrated) I didn’t have the mental energy or the desire to dream up how I wanted my life to look.
But it definitely wasn’t like this.
This is the sixth post in a series about how to make teaching feel like a more SUSTAINABLE career.
The little girl whose favorite game was to play school - she definitely pictured herself having a lot more fun and a lot less stress than this.
If I close my eyes, I can still smell the smoke of the woodstove and feel the soft shag carpet underfoot, “playing school” with my friend Kelly, in her very 80s basement - complete with full bar, wood paneling, and even a mirrored wall. (So fancy compared to my house.)
For Kelly, I know it was just a game (she went on to become a registered nurse). But for me? I knew, even when I was too young to ride the school bus with my older sister, that I wanted to be a teacher.
The classroom I’d spent years visualizing, is now my reality.
I get to teach every single day. And bonus, I’ve always gotten to teach my favorite subject - Math.
Basically, I’m living the dream life of that little girl. If you’re into “the woo” you may be inclined to believe she manifested it. If you’re not, you’d say - I bet she worked hard to get there.
Whatever way you look at it, you could say I’m living the dream that little girl was imagining, all those years ago.
Back when one of my biggest fears was getting stuck in quicksand
When the closest thing to “manifesting” was playing a game of MASH
And years before posters of my first love, Jordan Knight from NKOTB, plastered my bedroom walls
It’s funny because decades later when I was living on Mr. Noodles and Kraft pizza, and racking up student loans at university that I had no way to pay off, I never once considered NOT being a teacher.
I still feel the stars aligned for that little girl in a lot of ways and I’ve been living her dream for a while now.
(Whether MASH predicted it or not.)
That’s probably why it felt so unreal when I was feeling burned out, googling how I could use my Master of Education other than teach for the next 20 years. There was no quicksand in sight, but I definitely felt stuck.
If you’ve ever been through burnout or feeling stuck in some kind of a rut you don’t know how to get out of, dreading going to work more often than not - you know that everything feels hard. Even simple things.
You may find yourself barefoot on the cold ceramic tile staring at a tray of uncooked chicken and paralyzed at the decision of what to make for supper, like it’s a huge burden to bare.
I remember brushing my teeth, getting ready for work one morning, and really looking into the eyes of the reflection in the mirror.
Those eyes were tired and didn’t have the same excitement and sparkle they used to have.
Her expression was so serious.
But she also looked disappointed, mostly in herself because she wasn’t having fun anymore, and as hard as she was working she still felt like it was never enough.
And she was too exhausted to try to figure out how to fix it.
When you’re in a rut, burned out, or stuck in a myriad of tough situations - you’re usually too close to the things to have a clear perspective of what’s going on. You need some space to zoom out and see more clearly.
Try this and you’ll see what I mean.
Take the palms of your hands and put them right up to your eyes - an inch away from your face.
Can you see the details of your hands?
Can you see the lines and wrinkles?
Can you see what’s on the other side - what’s beyond your hands?
I’m guessing, you can’t see things very clearly. Everything is probably obscured and blurry.
2. Now, start to move your hands away from your face, slowly.
As you gain some literal distance, things start to come into focus.
You can see the lines and wrinkles that were there the whole time, but you were too close to see them.
You need that space for things to become clear, until then, everything is a blur.
You can also see more of what’s beyond your hands as they move back from your face.
It was kinda like that when I was feeling burned out and stuck.
I was too close to the situation to see it for what it was and I needed to zoom back to gain perspective.
What sparked a change for me was when I realized I wasn’t laughing much anymore.
Even though I can’t remember the comedian I was watching, I do remember laughing so hard my stomach hurt and thinking - I haven’t laughed like this in a long time.
It hit me: I wasn’t having fun anymore at school or in my personal life. This very serious-feeling life is not what that little girl had in mind when she dreamed of being a teacher, with one day bleeding into the next, and never feeling like she was doing enough. Who would want to sign up for 30 years of that?
I had no idea how to change things, but I knew it was up to me to figure it out.
Eventually, I was able to metaphorically move my hands away from my eyes so everything wasn’t so blurry.
Taking a mental step back from the situation helped me look at things more objectively and I could see what was driving my burnout.
But the first step I needed to take was to use that space to imagine what I actually wanted my life to look like since I was no longer living that little girl’s dream. Something had shifted away from how I’d felt earlier in my career and I wanted it to shift back or change to something even better. (And it did, with some support, but it didn’t happen overnight.)
When you’re stuck in a rut and risking burnout, let’s face it: It’s a struggle to see past lunch.
You’re just trying to make it through the day…and then to the weekend. And then you can breathe for a bit.
You may even be in a place where you’ve become too cynical to give any attention to how you actually want things to be because it’s just not reality for you. Taking that space and imagining what you want your life to look like - that’s the key to getting it - that’s the “I” in our SUSTAINABLE acronym.
It’s an easy step toward making teaching feel like it’s more sustainable (you don’t even have to get off the couch).
And it’s necessary if you want more balance between home and school - because that looks different for everybody.
So let’s do it. Right now.
Get comfortable, drop your shoulders, and take a deep breath with me. Continue to breathe slow, deep breaths.
As you start to feel more relaxed, begin to let your imagination drift.
Think about what your life looks like three months from now.
Imagine things have shifted and you’re living the life that little girl was dreaming up back in Kelly’s basement. And then imagine what it would look like if it was 100 times better.
How do you feel?
What’s your energy level like?
What are your stress levels like?
What kinds of things are you doing?
How are you spending your time?
Who are you spending your time with?
What does your morning, day, evening, weekend, or summer look like?
Sit with this vision for a few minutes and fight the urge that whatever you’re dreaming up isn’t realistic. This isn’t about what’s realistic. It’s about envisioning what your life COULD be like and imagining what you want. That’s the first step to making it happen.
Breathe deeply and try to see yourself as clearly as possible. Remember the hands metaphor and give yourself the gift of this space and a new perspective.
When you’re ready, imagine what you want your life to look like 6 months from now.
Again, how do you feel and what do you see? Focus on the details of what you’re envisioning.
Continue to breathe and notice how you’re feeling through this exercise. Hopeful? Inspired? Motivated? Skeptical?
Now, zoom out again, 1 year from now.
How is your life different from your current life? What’s that feel like?
Look into your eyes. What do you see?
Now, what do you think happened to get you to this place? What kind of person did you have to be to get to this place?
If you want, keep going …imagining - 3 years from now, then 5, then 10.
(If you think about how different your life was 10 years ago, and how many things have happened you never could have predicted it’s fun to imagine what life will look like ten years from now.)
Picture how your family changes over the years
How relationships have grown and flourished
How you feel about your career, your home, your health
Let your imagination choose where it takes you and spend time there.
There are no rules and don’t worry about doing it perfectly. If your imagination takes you to a deserted island - it may not feel realistic but it’s a huge signpost that you want more alone time - which is totally helpful.
Spend as much time with this exercise as you have or as you want, but even a few minutes is a great start.
The point is this: If you don’t know what you want your life to look like, how will you ever make it happen?
No idea what you want and you feel like your imagination sucks?
No problem: Focus on how you want to feel.
Chances are, you want to feel:
Happy
Alive
Content
Energetic
Vibrant
Confident
Comfortable
Passionate
There’s no wrong answer. It’s how YOU want to feel.
Once you’ve nailed down the feeling, let your imagination go, and again, don’t let your rational brain shut anything down.
The great thing about a visioning exercise like this is having no idea where your brain might take you, but trusting the process and giving yourself the space you need to zoom out from the situation.
If I were to go back in time and tell that little girl playing school that someday she’d have her own classroom, do you know what she’d probably say?
She’d say, “I know.”
In her mind, there was no doubt it was going to happen. It was only a matter of time.
What would it be like to have that certainty back?
To take the space to openly play and imagine and dream up ideal scenarios? But then, as an adult, to be empowered enough to make decisions and take actions in line with what you dream up, so what you want can be delivered.
You may believe it’s the Law of Attraction at work or your determination and self-discipline (or a combination of both).
Regardless, it starts with metaphorically moving your hands back from your eyes, actively zooming out of the situation you’re stuck in, and imagining what you want things to look like instead.
Once you have a clear picture, you can nurture what fuels you and take action toward what you want - which is the focus of the next posts in the series.
Until then, if you try out the exercises in this post - I’d love to know your insights.
What stood out to you and what do you think it means in terms of what you need to do next? Share in a comment below.
If you want some guidance through a future-self exercise like this or some support with what to do with what you uncover email me: at hello@krystalmillscoaching.com and I’d be happy to help you out.
