How Setting Boundaries Is One of the Best Self-Care Strategies
Have you ever said “YES” to a request, when what you reeeeeally wanted to say was “NOOOOPE”?
Of course you have. We all have, at some point. But if it’s happening a lot, and you’re getting resentful of the time you’re spending on these things instead of with your family (or for your own wellness) it’s likely time to Set Some Boundaries.
This is the third post in a series about how to make teaching feel like a more SUSTAINABLE career.
The focus of this post: SUSTAINABLE
Set boundaries.
Let’s say it’s 4:00 pm on a Thursday. You’re sitting in a meeting after school, making a mental grocery list in your head, when you realize everyone is looking at you, waiting for your answer. But you missed the question because you were totally zoned out.
No prep on your duty day tends to have that effect.
“So…Would you be willing to head up the fundraiser for the new playground equipment?”
You find yourself at a crossroads.
Your gut reaction?
“No. I don’t want to add one more thing to my plate, but thanks. Try asking... anyone else. ”
But IRL, you can’t see yourself ever saying that. Not when all eyes are on you, and you feel like there is only one answer in this kind of situation.
Something along the lines of…“Sure. Of course. No, problem!”
The thing is, it is a problem.
Because you feel the weight on your shoulders as soon as you accept, and that knot in your stomach twists.
You hopelessly look down at your day planner (the one you’ve been too busy to fill in for the last 2 days).
What were you thinking? You can only imagine how much time this new role is going to suck from your already jam-packed schedule.
But you can’t say how you actually feel.
So you smile and say “Sure”, complain about it to your friends, but also know that you’ll figure it out. Because you always do.
But at what cost?
There are only so many hours in a day.
What’s going to go?
Your heart sinks because you already know: The online art classes you just signed up for last week.
It won’t affect anyone else but you, and that way everything that really matters will still get done.
Feels like a gut punch but that’s how your mind works.
Does it ever feel like everyone else seems to get your consideration and respect, except for you?
Meanwhile, what YOU want and need gets shoved off until…someday.
But “someday” without a plan and a date is just another way to say never.
If the situation above reminds you of a similar one in your life, then you know the pressure is real.
You feel like the expectation is for you to say yes and you honestly have no idea how to say anything other than yes.
You DO want to help out, but you’re at the point where you know you need to start saying YES to YOU more often, or you run the risk of burning out and having nothing left to give to anyone, including yourself.
Having consistent boundaries can be tough. Maybe you struggle with saying NO, and maybe you feel like you spend too much of your personal time on work stuff, or not enough time on healthy habits like sleep, self-care, or strong relationships.
Everyone and every situation is different.
Regardless, setting boundaries is one of THE best things you could do for your self-care, because boundaries protect your time and energy, which impacts everything.
How about a little self-coaching?
When you hear the term “boundaries”, what comes up for you?
Do you feel like you have strong boundaries or is this somewhere you think you need to focus time and attention?
What do you wish your boundaries looked like?
Is there an area of your life where boundaries are easier for you to set and maintain than others? Why do you think that is?
Do you think boundaries should be flexible or rigid?
You’re trying to make teaching a more sustainable career for you. What impact do you think setting boundaries will play, given your current life circumstances?
It’s impossible to know what you’re thinking right now (kind of a one-sided coaching convo going on here) but if you DO struggle in this area, what do you think is the hardest part for you?
And, conversely, if you have strong boundaries, reflect on how they are helping you move closer to making teaching more sustainable in your life.
If you find yourself in the first group, struggling with boundaries and saying NO, here are 3 ways to decline a request, without actually having to use the word, “No.”
“Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”
“I don’t want to over-commit and not give this my all. Let me look at the kids’ schedules to see if I can make it work and I’ll get back to you.” (Yes - use your kids as an excuse. They won’t know or care.)
“My family has a lot on the go right now. I’ll have to look ahead at the next couple of weeks to see if I can make this work, but I do appreciate you asking. I promise to get back to you by x date.” This way the “asker” feels valued and you get a chance to pause and think about if you actually want to take this on or not.
In all these situations, the power is in the pause. If it’s a No, follow up in an email and let them know there are too many potential conflicts with what you’ve already agreed to take on and so you’re unable to do xyz at this time. You won’t be able to give it your all.Done.
Easy? Not at first.
But impactful? 100%.
Genuinely listening to what your inner voice is trying to tell you and respecting what you need and want will always lead to feeling more content, overall.
Bubble baths and getting your nails done are fine - but having strong boundaries gives you more return on investment and that’s how it helps make teaching feel more SUSTAINABLE.
If you can protect your energy, it makes everything feel easier and more doable and so it’s worth the effort and minor discomfort that it causes.
Realizing boundaries are something you are struggling with?
Shoot me a quick email: hello@krystalmillscoaching.com and I’ll share a handy little tool, specifically designed to help you say “NO” (without feeling like a total jerk). 😊
