When you’re more productive do you feel like you have more self-worth?
Cozy sweaters sit proudly on a shelf.
Work and just-for-fun shirts are all together in their own little cubbies.
Jeans and pants are folded neatly, looking like you managed a Gap in a previous life.
Dresses and skirts are color-coded, and your favorite shoes are lined up and ready to go.
You stand back and marvel at your stellar organizational skills and having pushed past your procrastination.
Three bags of clothes, that don’t work for you anymore, are sitting in the car ready to be donated.
Stacy and Clinton would be so proud.
Remember them from What Not to Wear? I kinda loved them.
Let’s face it.
Nothing feels better than a super productive day when you have the energy, motivation, and resources to live your own personalized version of “The Home Edit” (I love Joanna and Clea, too) decluttering your closet and feeling like you’ve up-leveled your life.
Especially if you’ve been putting it off for months.
Our society is so fixated on productivity and efficiency.
When you’re living up to that standard - you feel great. But when you’re not, sometimes it makes you feel “less than” and just plain shitty.
But here’s the thing I need to make sure you hear:
Your level of productivity does not equate to your level of self-worth.
If you’re like everyone else, your to-do list is never-ending. Sometimes you even stay up late to “get caught up”.
But when you burn the candle at both ends you only end up feeling more exhausted.
Let’s be real: Even if you did finish everything on your to-do list - there’ll be a whole new list of shit to deal with tomorrow.
That’s how life is.
But having lots of stuff to do isn’t a problem in itself.
It’s the stories we tell ourselves about the unfinished to-do lists that matter.
A lot of us carry an unconscious belief - a story we subconsciously tell ourselves - that we have more value when we get more stuff done. So, when we spend a weekend:
Resting
Hanging out
Watching movies
we get annoyed at ourselves for being “lazy” and “not accomplishing enough”. With our to-do list untouched, we feel disappointed that we didn’t make better use of our time.
If you feel this at all, you’re probably holding on to this common belief:
Productivity = self-worth
But, of course, it’s not true.
It makes sense though, why you’re always so busy and why you take on more and more, even when you don’t have the capacity.
It’s serving a completely normal, human need to feel validated.
But you’re missing something:
You have value regardless of the tasks you complete.
You have value regardless of your level of productivity.
If you don’t get to the laundry this week - you’re not lazy and you’re still just as valuable as if you had done 10 loads of laundry.
When our self-worth is tangled up with our level of productivity it can be scary to think about doing less, because in our minds that kind of means that we’re less worthy. Except for the fact that it’s simply not true.
We’re all born worthy.
You have worth, now.
And your worth isn’t a commodity that can be earned or lost and it’s not based on the things you do.
So, instead of trying to jam more into your schedule, feeling guilty when you’re not able to take on:
The volunteer thing at your kids’ school
Or that extra project at work
Realize that even if you were able to do “all of the things”,
it wouldn’t make you have any more worth than you already do right now.
So, although it feels freakin’ fantastic to clean out and completely organize your closet - it doesn’t mean you’re a better person than you would be with a messy closet.
That’s not how your self-worth works. And know that:
You don’t need more productivity tips and tricks.
You don’t need the perfect routine or scheduling hacks.
You need to embrace the idea that you are whole and complete and have value, regardless of how busy or productive you are.
Now, I don’t want to steal the joy you get from that beauty of a closet. Because you also deserve:
A functional space.
A clean closet.
To feel light and smile and feel grateful for the clothes to dress your body.
But you’re not more valuable, as a person, because you completed a task or got a bunch of shit done.
If that’s a story you’ve been telling yourself, recognize that the story is likely what’s been draining you and leaving you feeling like you’re drowning in all the things on that to-do list.
Because, with that story, when you don’t “do the things” you feel like you lose self-worth. When you’re busy and get lots done - it feels good because it builds up your self-worth.
Once you identify this is a story you’ve been telling yourself - look at how else it’s been serving you. Maybe:
Being busy keeps you from thinking about things you’ve been avoiding.
You like volunteering for everything because you like feeling needed.
You’re proud of the fact you’ve gotten to where you are by hustling.
Regardless, if you want to feel calmer and not constantly pulled from one thing to another, allow yourself to let go of the belief that doing more makes you more valuable.
Because then, an unfinished to-do is neutral.
There’s no moral judgment of you attached to it.
Your to-do list won’t ever disappear.
(And sometimes it’s nice to have strategies to help you prioritize your needs and what you have to do.)
But when you rewrite the story of what your productivity means, you’ll notice a shift.
You’ll feel calmer, and more in charge of your time.
You’ll develop more compassion for yourself because you no longer live with the pressure of having your productivity tangled up with your self-worth.
And although that story can creep back in, you’ll be ready to disarm it and feel pride for showing yourself care and respect.
(Stacy and Clinton would LOVE that too - maybe even more than a wide-leg trouser and a fitted jacket 😉 )
I’d love to know how you plan to rewrite this productivity = self-worth story in your life - or maybe you have some questions about how to actually rewrite the story to shift the belief.
Shoot me an email and let’s chat: hello@krystalmillscoaching.com
