The mindfulness tool that helped me be more present when I felt like I was (literally) drowning
I almost drown in a kids’ wave pool as a grown-ass woman.
Trigger warning if you fear water.
This is the ninth post in a series about how to make teaching feel like a more SUSTAINABLE career.
The focus of this post: SUSTAINABLE
Be present. Be mindful. Breathe.
Let me rewind. Everything started out fine.
Beautiful day.
Summer vacation a few years ago.
And my boys took off with hubby, heading into the wave pool.
I was enjoying the sunshine, family fun, and the cool splash of the waves on my skin, as I slowly followed behind them, as they ventured into the deeper end of the wave pool.
The end for bigger kids.
Now, I probably should mention at this point that I’m 5’ and this was a 6’ wave pool. I do like to swim but I don’t like to swim over my head - whereas they all love it. But, I wanted to be with the 3 of them so I followed them into the deep end. I was on my tiptoes, to stay afloat when a big wave hit me full-on in the face. I lost my footing and went under. Then, I kind of got sucked a little further into the deeper water.
And that’s when the panic hit.
I couldn’t catch my breath.
The boys all had their backs to me and had no idea anything happened.
It was loud. Kids were splashing, and having so much fun, but inside, I was screaming, “Oh my god. I can’t drown in a kids’ wave pool!”
I felt like I was swimming for my life because I couldn’t breathe with the mouthful of water I’d gotten and before I could compose myself another wave was on top of me. I couldn’t reach the bottom anymore and I was flooded with dread.
Then another wave came. And another.
I know, I know. That’s how a wave pool works.
Anyway, I guess after a lifetime of growing up by the water, and hundreds of hours swimming since I was a little kid, instinct kicked in and I started paddling hard, to keep myself at the surface.
I remember thinking 2 things:
1: You could touch the bottom a minute ago - you just have to get back that far
2: Relax and breathe
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I’m sitting here writing this, so obviously everything worked out okay. I eventually got my feet back under me, to where I could touch the bottom, and made my way out of the pool.
I was pretty shaky the rest of the day because - I CAN swim and this was a bit embarrassing. But in that moment, with my lungs full of water, I was just trying to stay afloat.
Just trying to stay afloat.
When you feel like you’re drowning - in life stuff, school stuff, relationship stuff - whatever the stuff is, and trying to make teaching feel more sustainable remember - it hasn’t always been like this and it’ll be okay.
You don’t have to get out of the pool, just back to where you can touch the bottom so you have more control.
And while you’re making your way there, remember to be present.
Be mindful.
And breathe.
Dropping into the present moment and being mindful is so important especially when it feels like everything is out of control.
As I was trying to get back to where I could touch the bottom of the pool, I remember focusing on what I could see - the people lining the perimeter of the pool, a little girl on her Dad’s shoulders. And what I could hear - the giggles and whooping as the waves kept rolling through and the screams from the roller coaster nearby.
This mindfulness strategy, of noticing - what you see and hear - is one I’d practiced many times before, but it took on a whole new meaning in this situation. I didn’t do it on purpose in that moment, but my brain took over to try to help me stay as relaxed as possible, with the stress and fear and panic I was feeling.
There are lots of variations of this kind of technique - you can do it just about anywhere and it can take 30 seconds or 20 minutes - whatever you have time for - but I learned first hand how helpful it can be in stressful moments.
Try it today when you have a minute - wherever you happen to be: Your classroom, folding laundry, in the car waiting for your kiddo, the grocery line…
You can look:
Look around and start mentally naming what you can see.
You may stay longer with an item, and look at the pattern of woodgrain or the titles of the books on your shelf. You may notice a bug on the floor and watch to see where it goes.
But you center yourself in your surroundings by noticing what you can see and allow your eyes to stay longer on more interesting objects with pretty colors or cool textures.
You can listen:
Notice what you can hear. If it’s possible, close your eyes. Sometimes that makes it easier to hear different sounds. You may become aware of the washing machine humming, the traffic outside, the class next door, or birds outside your window you didn’t realize were there.
You can also notice what you can feel - wind, the couch under you etc or smell (that one’s dicey in junior high, though).
It’s a simple practice and I notice myself doing it throughout the day now, without really trying - it’s like it’s my default at this point - feeling the sunshine on my face when I step outside, listening to the birds as I walk into the school. Sometimes I give myself a minute to relax and breathe as my copies are going through and I listen to the hum of the photocopier and notice the din of the science class going on beside me.
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Mindfulness strategies may sound silly if you’ve never tried them but I know that practice caused my brain to automatically switch into noticing mode that day at the pool, which helped to center me when I was feeling panic.
And I mean, I didn’t start trying to be more mindful and present because I thought - someday I may need this practice to keep myself relaxed enough to escape dying of embarrassment in a wave pool.
But I am thankful for the practice and I know it helped to keep me calm that day.
But it also helps to keep me from feeling like I’m drowning in the life stuff and the school stuff and helps me feel regulated and balanced in general and I hope it helps you too.
